So it’s only been, oh, my gosh, one year, a whole year, since I last updated this blog. Betrayal, divorce, death, nearly losing my home … let’s see what else has happened? …. Oh, did I mention that life could never be better?
If you’ve ever been in a crisis mode—death of a loved one, death of a pet, victim of a crime, etc., etc., you know that in a flash life can become like living in a science fiction movie segment—that you can’t, no matter how you’d like to, escape from. That’s how the season was for me last fall. Yes, me, who for years presented PowerPoint presentations that encompassed feel good types of autumn day trip adventures to a variety of audiences in the region. What I once had preached –don’t miss the colors, smells, sounds of fall—I did not practice a year ago at this time.
Fortunately, years prior, I had learned to not allow situations to define me; to steal my true substance and being. I hoped that in the end, eventually, regardless of the outcome the “real me” (full of laughter, hope and faith) would prevail. But, meanwhile, I had to deal with a host of feelings that I could not flip a switch and shut off. Each catastrophe added, what seemed sometimes insurmountable, speed bumps into my life steps. One thing that helped me over these humps was that I kept telling myself that I would never have to go through this kind of turmoil again (hopefully) and next year (hopefully) would arrive, and I could enjoy the season.
Sure enough, this year I am out of the sci-fi mode and back into some semblance of reality. No, things aren’t “normal.” They never will be; only different. I am a newly divorced, single mom who may not be the same person she was a short year ago year, but I still wake up with the feeling of promise every morning – even more so …. My days are again full of laughter –the rip-roaring variety sometimes and faith. The nice thing about getting through the tough stuff is looking back, reflecting, and being reminded that today is a gift, a reprieve – for however long until the next calamity comes down the pike—and realizing that life, despite all its “luxury problems” is, oh, so worth the effort.
Last year, I threw myself a pity party by singing that old tune, “How can God do this TO ME?” This year, yes, what a difference a year makes, I can see God’s hand in it all. For instance, the family members and friends who have stuck by me, loved me unconditionally and completely.
It is as if I experience the glowing and fiery colors in the maples for the first time. In essence, at this segment of my newly defined life, this fall is a first for me; an adventure and I can’t wait to turn to the next colorful page.